? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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