Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
