Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
