His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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