if only i could text you this smell
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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