just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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