Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
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I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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