she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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