Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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