I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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