# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
