Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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