On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
