Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
