you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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