That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
All the doctor said was why
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
