I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What a fucking waste of an outfit
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
