i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
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I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
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I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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