Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
