Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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