thus making me awesome and them whores
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
