I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
