Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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