Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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