He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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