Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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