well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
