Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
