I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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