I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
