Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
