I have demons in me.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
