I accidentally had phone sex last night
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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