that's an acceptable place to lick
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Randomize
