Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Is it because I queefed?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
