As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
