She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
