I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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