Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize