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people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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