I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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