so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We have started to decorate penises.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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