You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
