he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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