new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
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I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
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Found the puke drawer
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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