I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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