and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
