He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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