I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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