Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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