yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
