I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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