Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I wear drunk well.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
