He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
