Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
