she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
