I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
