at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
