Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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