So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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