Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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