Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
