what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
