can we get nightvision for the apartment?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
