Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
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I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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