I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
